The View from Down Here…

Me and my date before the prom.

She was one of the most popular girls in school. I was a shy, quiet student. She was a mainstay in our high school cheerleading squad. I was a mainstay in our school computer lab. Lindsey and I were on opposite ends of the popularity food chain, but by the end of the school year, she would be my date to the senior prom. It’s quite surreal as to how it all happened, but I’ll start at the beginning…

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Sometimes I catch myself reaching for things. I even occasionally try and get up and walk every now and then. But whenever I catch myself doing that, I remember what my life was like before I became sick. Images of long nights on the soccer field, playing football with my friends at the local park and slow dancing at junior high dances rush to the front of my mind. But as I look down at the wheelchair I’m sitting in, I know that part of my life is gone.

And just like the super heroes I read about in my comic books, I too am in a fierce battle with a formidable villain. But unlike my caped counterparts, my villain isn’t some horrible evil-doer.

My arch nemesis is frustration.

It can’t be beat with x-ray vision, super strength or super speed – although, it would be cool to be Professor X. No, it takes something more important than that. If you want to conquer frustration, all it takes is a little patience and perseverance.

You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to just shout, “I want my arms and legs back!” I am constantly reminded of all the things I am unable to do on my own and it makes me wish I wasn’t in a wheelchair. But I know that feeling sorry for myself and giving up isn’t going to help me walk again. So instead of being frustrated, I am fighting back.

Not with super powers, but with my own indomitable will. All it takes is a little persistence and resolve. All it takes for me to succeed is to try.

And for now, good has triumphed over this evil.

I often find myself wondering about my future. Where will I be in five years? Twenty years? Will I have a family of my own? Will I ever walk again?

Questions like that dart through my mind everyday, and I don’t seem to have the answers to them. As I deal with this unnerving uncertainty, I look towards the future with determination and courage. The future may be out of my hands, but I choose the path that will lead me to a life of success and happiness. I may be traveling that path with the help of an electric wheelchair, but it’s not going to keep me from my hopes and dreams.

I didn’t choose to be paralyzed from the neck down, but I did choose to not let the paralysis control my life.

If I can’t predict the future, I can hope for a good life.

If I can’t write, I will speak.

If I can’t walk, I will roll.

I don’t know what will happen in five years, or 20 years. I don’t know if I will have a family of my own. I don’t know if I will ever walk again.

But I do know that I am living the life I chose, and that’s fine with me.